i have a story. so for the past week i've not been sleeping very well because i got a new job that has me on call to do odd tasks for wealthy people. i won't get into it, but i will say that it kept me up until 4am a couple nights in a row, and once i'm up until 4am i have no chance of going back to sleep. this is relevant only because that job ended yesterday, and in celebration i decided i was going to get a full night's sleep. like a FULL night's sleep. so 7pm rolls around, i got my dinner made, it's an acorn squash stuffed with sage and mushrooms, i eat the WHOLE THING. don't even put away the dishes. leave those dishes out. take a nice long shower, get all cleaned up, immaculate. and then i get in bed and i think--and this was my first mistake as you're going to see--some dumb shit always wakes me up, but not tonight. oh no, not tonight. i have a plan. i set my phone on do not disturb mode with the blissful certainty of someone about to make the worst mistake of their recent life, and then i get in bed. it's a full on snork mimimi situation. i crashed, and when i say crashed, i mean that even when my alarm on my phone (that i forgot to turn off) went of at 12:33am (hell, hellish alarm setting), it didn't wake me up. i was out. i was out cold.
i was out so cold that when something opened my back door at 5am, i didn't hear my security alarm going off.
